I left the apartment

I left the apartment

And went outside

For a smoke – a miserable habit

That I had not practiced in a long time

A bit lonely, perhaps, or just bored.

I looked up at the moon

Full. Might explain it.

A cyclist went by me

At marathon pace, on a mission

Looked a me, a bit confused

I didn’t like him, though I was him yesterday

And probably will be tomorrow

I let my thoughts wander

Negatively

Depressively

Strange why those directions are the easiest

Or maybe just the simplest

I bathed in these thoughts

Lapped them up

Sticky muddy thoughts, like

What people would say at my funeral – maybe

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I relished them, pasted them on my body

So easy.

I couldn’t wait to wash them off again

Like a sweaty, messy hiker

I returned to base

Happy to get dirty, smelly

Happier to begin to get clean again

Can’t wait for the next hike.

04.10.09